Home Sweet Home
by Whiitewolf
Summary: JJ suffers a horrific encounter in the 'safety' of her own home. This is a story of pain, hope and recovery. Follow JJ as she struggles to put the past behind her and start over. WARNING: Mentions of mature subject matter. Story may be upped to an M rating at later chapters. Multi-chapter
1. Chapter 1: Road to Recovery

**Author's Note: I promised myself I would not get into another multi-chaptered fic. But this idea hit me, and it would not leave me alone.**

**This will be a dark fic, not my normal cup of tea. There won't be any pairings.**

**WARNING: This story will have mentions of abuse and rape. It will start at a T rating, but may change to an M. (It will never at any point be MA however.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of its awesome characters. Oh, how I wish I did though.**

* * *

"Why do I have to be here?" JJ asked, her tone strangely quiet. In her frustration, her eyes scanned the room quickly, taking everything in from the colour of the walls, to the plasters on the above the shelves. Her heart hammered nervously in her chest. The fear. Why was it here? It wasn't welcome.

"It's mandatory that you go through these assessments if you hope to go back to work," Dr. Kyte told her calmly. She pushed her glasses, that had fallen down her nose slightly, back up to where they belonged. On her lap perched a book where she wrote down notes that JJ wasn't allowed to see.

The frustration grew in JJ's voice with every scribble the pen made. "I'm fine. I'm ready to go back."

"You've been through a terrible ordeal. You, having worked with the FBI for many years, know we must go through this. It'll go a lot quicker if you co-operate," Dr. Kyte said, repeating herself for the 4th time, though her voice remained calm as always.

"Well, where do we start?" JJ said, her tone rising a bit. She'd do anything to get this over with.

"Where do you want to start?" Dr. Kyte said, not giving JJ the answer she wanted.

JJ's jaw twitched in annoyance. Why wouldn't anyone listen to her when she said she was fine? She was strong and she shouldn't have to be here.

"Are you always this irritated?"

The question broke JJ out of the small trance she'd been in. "I'm not irritated," she argued, though a part of her knew it was useless. Her eyes flickered over to the shelf full of books as Dr. Kyte began scribbling some more notes down and JJ sighed. This was going to be a long process, and she just wished she could skip to the end step. She wanted to go back to work, she wanted to be left alone to deal with this and most of all... She just wanted to forget any of this had ever happened and move on with her life. If only it were that simple...

**~*Home Sweet Home*~**

Throwing her purse on the table in her frustration, JJ walked up the stairs to check on Henry. The pounding in her chest didn't stop until she caught sight of him harmlessly playing with his blocks, and Garcia sitting on the couch watching him closely.

"Everything go all right?" JJ questioned, looking over at her friend.

"A perfect angel," Garcia responded, giving Henry a quick wink. "Are you feeling okay?" Garcia had caught sight of the expression on JJ's face.

Within seconds, a smile had appeared and JJ nodded. "I'm fine, really," she lied, hoping Penelope wouldn't catch on to her tone, though that didn't seem likely. "How much do I owe you?"

"JJ, you know I don't expect anything." Garcia didn't voice her suspicions or worries, but she longed to reach out to hug her friend.

JJ shrugged. "I know."

Chewing her lip in worry, Garcia examined JJ quickly. She'd been through a terrible ordeal. But it appeared her friend wanted to be alone, and no matter how much she wanted to help her she respected how JJ felt.

"I best be going," Garcia spoke up much to JJ's relief.

"Thanks again," JJ said, moving to allow Garcia to leave.

"Any time." She met JJ's eyes again, trying to convey the meaning. And JJ understood. Garcia would be there for her any time, anywhere. Though, in the moment it didn't matter.

_"What do you want?" she hissed, the anger in her eyes evident._

_"That remains to be seen," the masked man insisted, watching her carefully. Both his partners stood to the side, a bit behind him. JJ frantically searched their expression, their body language and their tone. But her profiler instincts could only help her so much in this situation. How could she admit it? She was helpless. Her gun was in the other room and they were armed. She couldn't risk taking them with Henry here._

_The tears welled up. She refused to cry. But the fear... The fear of losing Henry. Her chest tightened. Oh, how it hurt._

_"Please don't hurt him," she begged, not stopping to think on what to say. All professionalism went out the window as she began to fear for her son's life and her own._

_"That all depends on you," the harsh voice sneered._

_She'd sworn to protect him. She'd sworn to never let any harm come to him and yet here she stood, frozen, unable to do anything but listen. Unable to hug him, to even run to him. And despite what was to come, this was the worst torture she'd ever have to endure... Feeling helpless to protect her son from harm, not able to fulfil her duty to him. It broke her heart in ways only a mother could imagine._

JJ scooped the water up to splash lightly on her face. Refusing to look at her reflection, she dabbed it away with the cloth. For a split second, she met her own gaze in the mirror and immediately she turned away. This girl wasn't her. The girl looking back at her... Where had she gone? Had a part of her died that night?

Not bothering to look up again, she walked down the hallway, pausing only for a second to check in on Henry whom slept peacefully on his bed. Soon enough she was in the comfort of her own room, though it didn't seem so comforting any more. Taking a quick breath, she crawled onto her bed where she slipped under the covers and flicked the lamp off.

What had happened to her? She was strong. It wasn't supposed to hurt like this. She was supposed to bounce back, like always. So why did her eyes well up? And why did tears threaten to fall?

"I'm okay," she whispered, clinging to her blanket much like a child. The silence both calmed and terrified her as she could hear each shaky breath she took. "I am okay." The repetition did little for her, and instead she felt herself falling apart. The act she put on for her team, for Henry... It all crumbled in those moments. "I'm okay," she repeated again her voice cracking. Still, the tears wanted to spill.

"I'm okay," she said in one last effort and this time, they fell. With each trembling gasp, the tears fell to soak her pillow, and she felt like she was suffocating. She squeezed her eyes shut, and allowed them to fall. No one was here to see her weakness. No one but her. And maybe, maybe that was okay.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading.**

**I know this story is a bit darker than my other stuff, but I still hope you enjoyed reading it nonetheless.**

**Thanks for your time! A new chapter should be up within a week.**

**Thank you to thecompositionnotebook for looking this over for me!**


	2. Chapter 2: Baby Steps

**Author's Note: **_Sorry guys. I've been on hiatus with all my stories, including this one. And will continue to do so. But decided to post what I have._

_Italics are flashbacks. _

* * *

Her heart pounded within her chest as her eyes fluttered open. She'd had yet another one. The nightmares had plagued her sleep for weeks now... Ever since it had all happened... Swallowing nervously, JJ sat up, still shaking constantly. Her blue eyes flickered to the clock on her bedside. Four AM. _  
_

"Okay," she spoke aloud quietly, reaching up to rub her eyes. It was obvious she wouldn't be getting back to sleep. Defeated, she got to her feet and began the long journey down the hall. Fumbling for the light in the bathroom, she yawned. Once in, she immediately turned the water on and began scooping it up in her hands to splash on her flushed face. The feeling of being refreshed came almost instantly and she sighed in relief. Already the nightmare was pushed to the back of her mind.

Therapy. She had therapy in four hours. Out of habit, she peered into Henry's room and like every other time, she sighed in relief when she saw him sleeping soundly, his little chest rising with every breath.

* * *

_She hadn't had time to react when she heard the glass shatter. The first thought that came to mind was 'Henry.' She was in between her room and his room... Her gun was in her bedroom. Could she make it? Her FBI instinct told her that was where to go, but her motherly instinct was a whole other story... There was no chance to try for either option because it was then the hard blow hit her head and she fell to her knees. The world began to spin and darken and it took mere seconds for her to crumble to the floor._

* * *

Shaking, JJ added some more sugar to her coffee as she waited for Taylor to get here. Taylor was an 18 year old University student in the area who sometimes watched Henry for her. The knock at the door startled her, and the spoon clattered to the floor.

Taking a deep breath, JJ made sure to compose herself and walked over to open the door. A fear caught her in the chest, and she froze briefly. They still hadn't caught the guys, and she was so sure any day they'd be back to finish her off. It took her awhile, and she peered out the window to be sure of who it was.

A relieved sigh escaped her, and she opened the door to allow the smiling red head to enter the room.

"He still sleeping?" she asked cheerfully, trying not to stare too much at JJ, whom reminded her much of a zombie at this point.

JJ nodded wordlessly. "Garcia should be here in about four hours, I'll give her some money to give to you."

"That's fine," Taylor said, setting her bag down on the counter.

Though she had her shoes on and was ready to go out the door, JJ froze. It was so hard for her to leave Henry... alone. If she was here, she could protect him.

"Arm the alarm once I leave," JJ said quietly, grabbing her purse off the coat stand.

"Of course," Taylor agreed, nodding trying to give her client a reassuring smile. She didn't know exact details of what happened, but she knew something had happened and if it hadn't been on the news, that an FBI Agent had been attacked in her own home, she'd have known by the difference in Jennifer's personality.

"And make sure to check before letting Penelope in."

"Of course. You don't have to worry. He's safe with me," Taylor said, giving JJ another smile.

JJ forced a smile back before stepping out of the door. She waited for a moment to be sure she heard the locks click and to hear the beeping of the buttons as Taylor set the alarm system up.

"Okay, here goes," she said ready to get into another painful therapy session.

* * *

_"Wake up," the voice told her harshly. _

_She forced her eyes open and the light caused her to become aware of the pounding pain in her head almost instantly. _

_"What do you want?" JJ demanded, the anger in her tone nearly causing the intruders to shrink back, but they weren't easily frightened and definitely not by a small blonde woman._

_"That remains to be seen." _

_As they turned her over, a relief almost set in. All three men were wearing masks. They were protecting their identity. Which could only mean that they didn't intend to kill her. However, she was careful to realize that this didn't mean they wouldn't. And Henry... There were three men. One of them was a heavier set man, with a plain black ski mask. One was a muscled man, wearing a green mask. A part of her told her this was the leader and the last man stood off to the side, wearing a grey mask and he appeared to be quite small and he was refusing to meet her eyes. _

_"Where's my son?" she snapped, trying to sit up._

_A sharp blow to her ribs knocked the breath out of her and she collapsed again. _

_"That's for us to know, and you to find out. He's safe, for now." The man was careful to add on the last bit and JJ got the message. She had to do what they said, or they'd hurt Henry._

_"Please don't hurt him," she begged, the fear for his life making it difficult to breath. _

_"That all depends on you," the harsh voice responded, a hint of amusement in his voice. _

_"Are you ready to listen?" another one of the intruder's asked. _

_Feeling completely lost, vulnerable and helpess, JJ nodded._

* * *

"You must have been terrified," Dr Kyte started off, giving the Agent a sympathetic glance.

"I was," JJ said, being careful to put emphasis on the _was _part.

"You don't have to lie to me here, Agent Jareau. This is where it's safe for you to tell me these things. I can assure you that acknowledging you're still afraid after such a traumatic event is not going to keep you out of work. However, if you continue to lie to me and not co-operate that very well may."

A part of JJ froze, and her eyes shot towards the clock on the wall. Another fifty minutes of this...

"Why is the Bureau taking this all so seriously all of a sudden? Is this because of what happened with Elle?" JJ asked, crossing her arms defensively.

"You're trying to keep the conversation off yourself which is not a valuable use of our time," Dr Kyte said with a frown. "The Bureau has always taken such cases seriously. You've been through a terrible ordeal, and I'm here to help you. Yes, it is my job to give progress reports but I can assure you that my goal remains the same. I want to help you."

Her voice cracked slightly, and her chin trembled. "I couldn't scream."

"You mean you were paralysed with fear? " Dr. Kyte inquired after a few moments of silence.

"No," JJ broke off again. "They wouldn't let me."

* * *

_"That's right. Because you're going to do exactly as we say," the heavier intruder said, the small, mocking laugh in his tone causing the anger to rise in her chest, temporarily pushing the fear to the side. _

_"We're going to do whatever we want to you, and you're not going to make a sound," the one with the green mask said with a grin. _

_The heavier man left the room briefly and returned holding Henry. "If you scream, your son gets hurt. One scream and he gets cut. A second time, and we break his arm. The third time and you'll never find his body..." He let his voice trail off to get the emphasis through, and JJ swallowed. _

_She hadn't intended to scream, she knew it'd get her nowhere but that's when she saw the knife... They intended to torture her. "I understand," she said softly. "But please take him out of here, he doesn't need to see this." _

_"You're right," said the leader, forcing a false sympathetic tone. "No one deserves to see their mother sliced up. Take the boy back to his room and tie him to the bed." _

_"He's only a child," JJ objected. _

_"Can't take any risks, love," the leader spoke again, running the knife softly against her cheek. JJ held her breath as the knife made its way, without leaving a mark, down her side before reaching her hip and that's when the cold blade pierced her. Tears now flowed freely down her cheeks as she struggled not to make a single sound as the burning hot pain made itself known. _

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Thanks for reading guys. I think the rating to this fic will be changing to an M rating shortly. Probably after the next chapter, just to forewarn.

Thanks again for reading, and for all your lovely reviews from the last chapter! 22! Wow, was not expecting that.

I'm also aware that part of the flashback from the first chapter is in this one as well. I felt expanding on it some more would be good.


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Scream

**Author's Note: **So, it's been awhile. Sorry about that guys.

I hope to be updating everything more regularly now.

_Italics_ are still flashbacks.

I'd left Will out the previous chapters, as I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with him. I'm still not sure, but he's in this chapter.

**Warning: **There is some abuse in this chapter. In the italics.

* * *

"JJ!" Garcia's voice called out. JJ heard the familiar clunking of heels walking towards her.

She closed her eyes. After having finished her session with Dr. Kyte, she just wanted to go home. She was sick of being made out to be a victim. It felt like a lie. As if she was somehow at fault for what had happened, and to be called a victim when it was her fault? It was wrong. It was sick.

Some part of her knew this wasn't logical, as she'd had this conversation with many 'victims' in her career. She told them it wasn't their fault, and it was true, it wasn't. So, why did it feel like for her it was her fault? There was no real answer, but she knew the feeling of shame overwhelmed her. She was sick of the sympathy, the concerned looks... She was sick of being treated like she might crumble or fall apart any second.

"Hey," she finally responded, forcing as much cheerfulness as she could into her voice.

"How are you doing?" she asked, having caught up to her at last.

JJ winced. Once again, made out to be a broken victim. She knew Garcia meant well, but what she needed was normalcy. "Well, I'd be doing a lot better if the coffee here had a bit more flavour," JJ tried to joke, gesturing with her half full cup.

Garcia fought back the urge to sigh, JJ knew what she was asking and she was avoiding it. But, if she wasn't ready to be honest with her... "Well, how about getting some real coffee?

"Oh, I think I'm busy, sorry." JJ had a hard time meeting her friend's eyes. She felt guilty, but really, she didn't want to be around her. She didn't want to be around anyone.

"I haven't even suggested a date yet," Garcia said accusingly.

"It's just a busy week, and having to find a sitter for Henry, and..."

"I'll meet you at your place at four." And with that, Penelope walked away. She'd have given her friend a reassuring hug, and in fact, the urge to was overwhelming but she knew JJ didn't like anyone near her as of late, and she understood why. But she couldn't help hoping that this would all pass. JJ wasn't the same, and maybe she would never be.

_**~*Home Sweet Home*~**_

_She didn't know why she was going along with this. Well, in all honestly, she did. Henry. She was trying to do what was best for Henry. However, she didn't expect to survive this. These guys couldn't honestly want to torture her and let her and Henry go... Her eyes darted towards the clock. She was cursing Will's night shifts right about now. _

_"He's not due home for another four hours. We have a lot of time," the bigger man said, watching her face closely. So they'd clearly been doing research on her... How had she been stalked and not known? She was supposed to be an FBI Profiler... _

_Having been distracted by the clock, JJ was taken by surprise when the knife entered her again, digging a nice, clean cut in her leg. A scream nearly slipped out, but she stifled it. She tried to ignore the grin of the man doing it. _

_"My, you are a quiet one." _

_No reaction. JJ didn't give him the satisfaction, though her chin trembled, she managed to hide it well enough. It didn't seem to matter, these guys were enjoying this too much. Clearly sadists, but what were her chances of survival? What were Henry's? Did she try and stop them and risk everything, or did she comply and risk everything? She feared whatever she did would lead to regrets, and all she wanted to do was keep Henry safe. _

_His stubby fingers dug themselves into her wound, smearing the blood all over her leg. Then he took his hand to touch her face, staining it red. "Red really is your colour you know."_

_All she could do was close her eyes. _

**~*Home Sweet Home*~**

The knock at the door startled her. It wasn't near four. It was only two. Was it Garcia? JJ peered through the blinds. No. No it definitely wasn't.

"Will," she said hesitantly, opening the door slightly. JJ took a few breaths, before trying to look composed. This fear, it wasn't logical. Why was she experiencing it? Well, she knew why but it wasn't logical.

"JJ," he replied, smiling at her. "Is Henry home?"

Somehow, JJ nodded. She hadn't seen him much. Not since the attack. She wasn't sure where they were, and couldn't bring herself to care right now. The hurt on his face was causing the guilt in her to overwhelm her more than she'd like. She'd made him leave. She couldn't have him around. It gave her an uncomfortable feeling to be around any males, even ones she trusted. She hated it. She hated how it affected her. What was this? Post traumatic stress? This wasn't supposed to happen to her. It was crucial she be strong, but she wasn't being that right now...

Will reached out as if to touch her shoulder, but he withdrew his hand before she'd had a chance to flinch. He didn't know what to do, but he just hoped that soon enough he could come home and her and him could work through this together. She'd let him know when she was ready... He was careful not to get too close to her, but he walked by to get inside to see Henry.

"Actually, I just hired a baby-sitter to come in a couple hours, but if you want to take him for the night?" JJ's voice trailed off, and she struggled to meet his eyes.

"That sounds good," Will told her, though a part of him wondered why she hadn't just called him in the first place. It seemed he was an after thought, and he wasn't sure what to think about that.

"Great. I'll give her a call then," JJ said, turning to walk up the stairs to finish getting ready. Going out? She wasn't sure this was the right thing for her but anyone that knew Garcia, knew how hard it was to say no to her.

"Great," Will repeated. He looked over to see Henry sitting on the living room couch, and he turned and watched JJ disappear before walking over to his son.

Will was downstairs. That though alone caused JJ to be so distracted she almost left the house with make up on only one eye. She felt guilty. She missed him. She still loved him. A mixture of things, and all of them lead to the uncomfortable feeling she had about him being so near to her.

The light sound of little footsteps eased her nerves. Henry came running in, arms outstretched looking for a hug from his mother before he left. There was no hesitation, she obliged, even holding on a bit longer than Henry had expected. He squirmed in her arms, anxious to go and go with his dad to the park.

"Have fun," JJ called after him. And then that was it. Silence. The memories this house held, aggravated her and caused the tightening of her throat she'd been used to as of late.

The once familiar feeling of feeling safe, at ease in her own home, had taken a leave. And it didn't appear to be coming back anytime soon.

_**~*Home Sweet Home*~**_

_"I think she likes it," the big guy said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. He sighed in content, tasting the saltiness of her tears. Though she'd tried, the fear had overwhelmed her. She was out there, saving lives, almost every day and here she was feeling like she couldn't even save herself or Henry. _

_'Think, JJ, think,' she thought, trying to profile these guy as quickly as she could. Maybe there were things she could say, or do. She had to save Henry, even if she couldn't save herself. It was hard to focus, now that they'd grown bored of slicing her with the knife. Instead, they were using a lighter. _

_She nearly cried out as they tried to pull her night shirt over her head. She froze, using all the strength she could muster to keep herself clothed, to keep herself hidden as best she could. _

_"If you're not willing to entertain us, then perhaps your son is," the leader said. His grin revealed his yellow teeth, and JJ was too afraid to even be disgusted. What else was she to do? She stopped. Maybe she could go somewhere else. In her head, that's what she had to do. _

_The sharp pain in her sides brought her back down to earth. They didn't intend to be gentle. They were out for pain. They were out for pleasure. To them, she was just an object for their use. She fought back her tears so much that her throat ached. _

_There was nothing she could do. She was helpless. Vulnerable. Instead of being the Agent, the savior to many victims, she was them. She was just like them. And this thought destroyed her in a way their knives could never accomplish._

_"Remember," one of the men told her, getting her attention. He put his fingers to his lips, "shhh." _

**~*Home Sweet Home*~**

Don't scream? That had be the rule. To never scream. The pain they'd inflicted, emotional, physical... Mental.

The scars they'd given her. They'd taken her life from her. They may not have killed her, but a part of her died that night regardless.

Don't scream? Despite the pain, she'd never yelled. But the pain now was great, her chest tightened, the tears threatened to spill. And she did. Finally, after all this time, she screamed. She collapsed on her bed, throwing her brush to the ground. And she let it all out, sobbing into her pillow.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading guys.

Due to the content in the flashbacks in the upcoming chapter, once that chapter is posted, this will become a M rated fic.

Thanks again!


End file.
